OK...so today I am feeling a bit a unsettled. A little weird to say the least. I am feeling like I am being tested and that it is my responsibility to not allow the test to get the best of me. You see, the human mind can, at times, be a horrible place to live. It has the ability to devise plans and confuse and deceive all at the same time. It can be both evil and good all at the same time and will surely be the demise of he or she who dwells there long enough.
I would consider myself to be somewhat of a loner. I enjoy people and the company of people and I am rather friendly to say the least. But the truth is, I would prefer to be alone. So here is the dilemma...even though I prefer my solitude, at times, I feel lonely. I can be in a room full of people and feel like an outcast. Feel like I just fade to black. Is this the case? I don't believe so but my mind would sure have me to believe and I know in my heart of hearts that is not the case. I convince myself that I don't belong and I separate myself in emotion and in interaction. But I sure put on a good front.
You have to literally fight against the impulses and thoughts that arise. The only way to do that is by replacing those thoughts with true and positive meditations. Those mediations should come from the Word of God. For example, there may be times when we might feel that noone is for us but we have to remember that God's Word says if He is for us who can be against us? And if it seems that everything and everyone is against us His Word says that He is more than the whole world against us! Every time a negative thought begins to rear its head we must replace it FORCEFULLY with the WORD of GOD. If we entertain the thoughts they will consume us and eventually show themselves in our actions. What so ever a man thinketh in his heart so is he! Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
I have to take a moment to thank the Holy Spirit because as I type this my human spirit is lifted. I am reminded of His goodness and His grace. I BELIEVE without a shadow of a doubt that God has a plan for me and that this emotion or feeling or personal sentiments are only a test. I am so glad that I have not had the opportunity to discuss this with anyone as to add salt to the wound and perpetuate the thoughts even more. You know that we are quick to justify our feelings whether they be right or wrong.
As far as confiding in others, sometimes it is helpful but other times it is counter production.
And by all means, be completely honest with God. He is the only one who can take it and understand where you are coming from without making you feel like crap. He will correct you and rebuke you if need be but He will ALWAYS, I repeat ALWAYS restore you. People, no matter how Holy Ghost filled and godly they are, don't always have the ability to do that.
Ok...so that's all for now....
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